Your Clients Are Sick Of Your LinkedIn Pitch Slaps
Your Clients Are Sick Of Your LinkedIn Pitch Slaps
(And Other Hard Truths About Why Your Relationships Are Dying)
Brace yourself, I'm just gonna say it: You're scared as hell to text your old clients.
I know this because I just spent an hour talking to Zvi Band—DC-based entrepreneur, CRM builder, professional dinner party host, and recovering DJ (RIP to that career)—and he basically read us all for filth.
And by "us" I mean every B2B executive who's currently sitting on a contact list of 2,000 people we haven't talked to since 2019 because we're totally super busy and definitely not avoiding the existential dread of human connection.
The Three Lies We Tell Ourselves
Zvi spent years building Contactually (sold it to Compass in 2019, casual flex), and he watched thousands of people churn out of his CRM. Not because the tool sucked—but because people are absolutely terrified of being human beings.
He's identified the three blockers that keep us from maintaining relationships:
"I don't have time" (Translation: I have time to doomscroll LinkedIn for 47 minutes but not to send a 30-second text)
"I don't have a strategy" (Translation: I need a 47-slide deck before I can say "hey, thinking of you")
"I'm scared" (Translation: THE ACTUAL TRUTH)
That third one? That's the real shaet. We're scared of sounding weird. Scared of rejection. Scared of seeming salesy. Scared that someone will be like "who dis?" after we ghost them for three years.
And you know what? Our caveman brains think rejection = death.
Because if you got kicked out of your tribe on the savanna, you were tiger food by Tuesday. So every time you hover over that "send" button, your amygdala is screaming "DON'T DO IT, WE'LL DIE."
Spoiler alert: You won't die. You'll just feel awkward for 4 seconds and then move on with your life.
The Stupidly Simple Thing That Actually Works
Here's Zvi's move, and it's so simple you're gonna be mad:
Just. Text. Someone.
That's it. "Hey, thought of you this morning. Hope you're doing well." Add a "no need to respond" if you want to be extra chill about it.
Not a pitch. Not a "circling back" (I will fight you if you use this phrase). Not a "just checking in on that thing we talked about in Q3 2022."
Just... being a human who thinks about other humans.
His wife does this thing where she asks for everyone's birthday (not the year, calm down), and then texts them on their birthday. That's it. No elaborate gift. No forced lunch. Just "happy birthday, thinking of you."
And people lose their minds with gratitude because literally nobody else does this.
Transactional vs. Generative Relationships (Or: Why Everyone Hates Your Follow-Up Emails)
There's a massive difference between:
"Just checking in—still thinking about moving forward with us?" (Translation: GIVE ME MONEY)
"Hey, just thought of you today. Hope all is well." (Translation: You're a person I value)
One of these makes you want to reply. The other makes you want to block the sender and fake your own death.
The wild part? You can care about the person AND want their business. These things aren't mutually exclusive! But when you lead with the dollar signs, you're telling them they're a wallet with legs.
And in today's world of AI-generated pitch slaps and spray-and-pray LinkedIn DMs, showing actual human interest is like being the only person with water in the desert.
You will dominate.
The Vulnerability Industrial Complex (But Make It Real)
Zvi told me about a realtor he worked with—absolute killer at her job—who was terrified to talk about her real passion: gardening.
Like, this woman would be outside in her Boston garden in December, probably talking to her tomatoes about their feelings, but wouldn't mention it to clients because "that's not professional."
Then she started sharing garden pics in her newsletter. Started talking about gardening shows and tools.
And guess what happened?
Some people were like "cool story bro." But a bunch of others were fascinated. They connected over it. Her clients started giving her gardening tools as gifts. She went from Generic Realtor #4,782 to "Amy, the gardening realtor I actually know and care about."
That's the game right there.
You think showing up as a human is weak. But everyone watching you thinks it's brave as hell. It's a perception flip that will melt your brain once you realize it.
Simple Systems, Implemented Repeatedly, Win
Zvi's mantra: "Simple systems implemented repeatedly win."
You don't need to overhaul your entire relationship strategy with some elaborate 47-point framework. You need to organize five contacts today. Then five tomorrow. Then five the next day.
You need to text one person you've been avoiding. Then another one next week.
You need to share one real thing about yourself. Then wait for the sky to not fall.
The mountain doesn't get climbed in one heroic leap. It gets climbed by putting one foot in front of the other and not being a dramatic baby about it.
The Part Where I Tell You What To Do
Watch the full episode with Zvi. He goes way deeper on the behavioral science behind why we suck at relationships, actual tactics for overcoming your fear brain, and how to build systems that don't require you to be a different person.
Because here's the truth bomb: Your company's growth isn't limited by your product, your pricing, or your market positioning.
It's limited by your willingness to be uncomfortably human with the people who matter most.
Client retention goes up when people feel connected to you as a human, not a vendor. Revenue grows when stakeholders trust you as a person, not just a service provider. Your team performs better when they know you give a shaet about them as individuals.
But you already know this.
The question is: Are you gonna do something about it? Or are you gonna keep hiding behind "I'm just really busy right now" while your competitors figure out that human connection is the ultimate competitive advantage?
The choice is yours. But your caveman brain is rooting for you to fail.
Prove it wrong.
P.S. Zvi has an overwhelming hot sauce collection and constructs Lego masterpieces, which are both signs of a well-adjusted human being or a cry for help. Either way, he knows what he's talking about when it comes to building relationships. Check out his work at Relatable CRM and his "Be More Relatable" newsletter if you want more ways to stop being weird about human connection.
P.P.S. If this post made you uncomfortable, good. That means you needed to read it. Now go text someone you've been avoiding and stop being a coward about it. (Said with love.)
Karl Pontau hosts The Human Connection Podcast, where we talk about the stuff that actually matters in business: the humans running it. Because whether you're B2B or B2C, it's really H2H, human to human. Subscribe so you don't miss the next episode where we probably say something that'll make your HR department uncomfortable.
