Why Your Copy Sucks (And Your Dad's Tailor Knows More About Client Success Than You)

Hear me out: your marketing copy reads like a robot having an existential crisis.

You've got your fancy SEO keywords, your "data-driven insights," your "synergistic value propositions"—and somehow, your churn rate is still higher than my blood pressure when I see another AI-generated email that starts with "Hope this finds you well!"

Narrator: It did not find them well.

This week on The Human Connection Podcast, I sat down with Sweha Hazari, a copywriter who's spent nine years making brands sound like actual humans instead of LinkedIn influencers on their third espresso. And she dropped a truth bomb so good, I want it tattooed on every CMO's forehead.

Her Dad's Clothing Store in India Has Better Customer Retention Than Your SaaS Company

No, seriously. Listen to this:

Sweha's father has been buying clothes from the same local shop for three decades. Not because they have the best prices. Not because their Instagram aesthetic slaps. Not even because the quality is that great.

He goes back because they send him birthday texts. They recognize him. They give him little gifts—balloons, tote bags, bookmarks—even when he's not buying anything.

Meanwhile, your company sends 50 automated emails a week that all say "We miss you!" while treating customers like walking credit cards with API integrations.

The kicker? This shop doesn't even have a "significant social media presence."

Let that marinate while you review your Q4 marketing budget.

B2B Doesn't Mean "Boring to Boring"

Here's where it gets spicy: Most of you think B2B marketing means you need to strip all personality from your copy and replace it with PowerPoint slides that could cure insomnia.

Wrong.

Even in health tech and medtech (yes, especially in health tech and medtech), there's a human being on the other end. Someone who's terrified of making the wrong decision. Someone who has to justify this to their boss. Someone who's drowning in vendor pitches that all sound exactly the same.

Sweha's advice? Stop treating your audience like a demographic and start treating them like your dad at his favorite clothing store.

The Devil's Advocate Exercise That'll Save Your Launch

Here's a free consulting tip that Sweha shared (you're welcome):

Before you launch anything, play devil's advocate. Write down every reason why someone would say "hell no" to your product. Every objection. Every concern. Every "yeah, but..."

Then address those in your copy.

Not in a defensive, "well actually" way. But in a "we see you, we get it, here's how we thought about that" way.

Because right now? You're so close to your product that you've got those rose-colored glasses superglued to your face. You're pumped about features your customers don't care about while ignoring the glaring gaps they'll spot in 2 seconds.

The AI Thing (Oh God, Here We Go)

I asked Sweha about AI-generated content, and her take was perfect: AI is a tool, not a replacement for having an actual pulse.

She compared it to a master woodworker using power tools. The tools don't carve the sculpture—they just make it easier for the artist to do their thing.

If you're using AI to pump out mediocre content at scale, congrats: you're creating the marketing equivalent of gas station sushi. Sure, it exists. But should it?

Your customers can smell AI-generated slop from a mile away. And they're tired. So tired.

The Real Talk

You know what's actually funny? The startup graveyard is full of companies with great products and terrible copy. Companies that forgot that increasing customer retention by just 5% can boost profits by 25-95%.

Meanwhile, Sweha's dad's tailor is out here running circles around your customer success team with birthday texts and free bookmarks.

So maybe—just maybe—the answer isn't another marketing automation tool or a new growth hack or whatever the hell a "fractional CMO" is supposed to be this week.

Maybe it's remembering that you're selling to humans. Humans with feelings. Humans with fears. Humans who just want to feel like someone actually gives a damn about them beyond their lifetime value calculation.

Want to hear the full conversation? Check out the episode. Sweha breaks down how to use voice of customer research, why your B2B copy doesn't have to be soul-crushingly boring, and how to make your writing actually connect with the humans reading it.

Because at the end of the day, it's not B2B or B2C.

It's H2H. Human to human.

Even if you're selling medical devices to hospital systems. Even if your sales cycle is longer than a Marvel movie marathon. Even if your product is "an enterprise-grade, cloud-based, AI-powered solution for digital transformation."

(See? That sentence made you want to take a nap. That's the problem.)

P.S. If you're sitting there thinking "but our industry is different," congratulations—you've already failed the vibe check. Your industry isn't special. Your customers are still humans. And humans don't make decisions based on feature lists—they make them based on trust, emotion, and whether they think you actually understand their problems. Now go listen to the episode and take some notes. Your Q1 retention numbers will thank me later.

Karl Pontau hosts The Human Connection Podcast, where we talk about the stuff that actually matters in business: the humans running it. Because whether you're B2B or B2C, it's really H2H—human to human. Subscribe so you don't miss the next episode where we probably say something that'll make your HR department uncomfortable.