You're Sabotaging Your Own Credibility Every Time You Open Your Mouth
You're Sabotaging Your Own Credibility Every Time You Open Your Mouth
And the Vocal Habits That Make You Sound Like You're Asking Permission to Exist
Here's a fun experiment: Record yourself in your next meeting. Then listen back to how many times you:
End statements like they're questions?
Say "sorry" for literally existing in the room?
Pepper your sentences with "like" and "um" like verbal tics?
Sound like you're asking permission to share your own expert opinion?
If you're cringing already, congrats—you're about to get a masterclass in why your communication habits are costing you opportunities, credibility, and probably money.
I sat down with Lori Potts—public speaking coach, career coach, and recovering insecure woman who's helped 80% of her clients land interviews in three months or less—and she absolutely called out the invisible ways we undermine ourselves the second we open our mouths.
Buckle up. This one's gonna sting a little.
The Warmth/Competence Tightrope That Women Walk Every Damn Day
Lori dropped this framework early and it's been living rent-free in my head ever since:
Everyone needs a balance of warmth AND competence to succeed. But women face a likability trap that men simply don't.
Translation? If you're a woman who's too warm, you're not taken seriously. Too competent, you're labeled "aggressive" or "cold." Meanwhile, Steve from accounting can be a complete asshole and it's called "executive presence."
The double standard is real. The bias is real. And while we absolutely need systemic change (looking at you, outdated corporate cultures), Lori's point is this: Focus on what you can control.
You can control how you communicate. Your tonality. Your vocal presence. The specific language patterns that either build or destroy your credibility in real-time.
This isn't about changing who you are. It's about being strategic enough to navigate a system that wasn't built for you without sacrificing your authentic self in the process.
This is foundational to building business relationships in the digital age—understanding that perception drives opportunity, and your communication style directly shapes that perception.
The "Let Me Finish" Framework That Actually Works
Here's a tactical move Lori shared that made me want to stand up and applaud:
When someone interrupts you in a meeting (and they will, because people are rude and also conditioned to talk over women):
"Oh, thanks so much, George, for your perspective. Let me finish. And then you can hop in."
Read that again. Notice what it does:
Acknowledges their input (warmth)
Firmly reclaims your space (competence)
Doesn't apologize for existing
Maintains likability while establishing boundaries
That's the balance. That's how you navigate the trap without falling into it.
Not: "Sorry, I wasn't done." (You're apologizing for being interrupted? Come on.)
Not: "George, shut up, I'm talking." (Accurate, but career-limiting.)
You're being warm AND competent. You're valuing their opinion AND protecting your own voice. You're playing the game without letting the game play you.
Authentic client connections start with authentic self-advocacy. If you can't stand up for yourself internally, how are you going to advocate for your clients externally?
Up-Talking: The Credibility Killer You Probably Don't Know You're Doing
Lori shared a story that absolutely wrecked me:
She had a client starting a new business. His friends told him he needed to sound more confident. He was genuinely confused—he FELT confident.
The problem? He was ending every single sentence with an upward inflection. Like it was a question? Even though it was a statement?
He had no idea he was doing it. But everyone around him was unconsciously picking up on it and perceiving him as unsure of himself.
This is up-talking, and it's destroying your credibility one sentence at a time.
When you end statements as questions, you sound like you're questioning yourself. And if YOU don't believe what you're saying, why the hell should anyone else?
Lori's advice: Record yourself. Not just once. Regularly. Listen back. Notice the patterns you can't hear in the moment because you're too busy thinking about WHAT you're saying to notice HOW you're saying it.
Better yet? Ask someone who'll be brutally honest with you. Not your overly nice friend who wants to protect your feelings. Someone who gives a damn enough about your success to tell you uncomfortable truths.
This is relationship-driven revenue growth in action, folks. The relationships that push you to be better, not just make you feel better.
The Filler Word Epidemic (And Why "Like" is Your Enemy)
Let me paint you a picture from Karl's Toastmasters experience:
He's in a meeting where someone's designated to count filler words. People give entire speeches thinking they crushed it. Then the counter reveals they said "like" 30 times.
Thirty. Times.
And nobody noticed in the moment. Not even the speaker.
Because filler words are invisible to us but glaringly obvious to everyone else. They're the vocal equivalent of showing up to a board meeting with spinach in your teeth—you have no idea, but everyone's noticing and making judgments.
Here's the brutal truth: Every "um," "like," "you know," "right," and "basically" chips away at your perceived competence. You might be the smartest person in the room, but if you sound uncertain, people will assume you ARE uncertain.
Lori's been working on this herself (she admits "like" is her nemesis from teenage conditioning). It takes practice. It takes awareness. It takes having someone call you out in real-time until the habit breaks.
This is why building high-retention client relationships internally matters—you need teammates who'll help you level up, not just nod along while you sabotage yourself.
The "Sorry" Habit That's Literally Apologizing for Existing
This one made me want to flip a table.
Lori's husband works in a field dominated by women. He started responding to every "sorry" with: "Oh, I accept your apology."
Sounds harsh? It's brilliant.
Because what are these women ACTUALLY apologizing for?
Speaking up in a meeting
Taking up space
Having an opinion
Using their voice
Existing in the room
They're not apologizing for legitimate mistakes. They're apologizing for being human beings who dare to participate in their own careers.
And Lori's husband—being the sarcastic, loving accountability partner he is—started calling it out every single time. Not to be mean. To break the conditioning.
And it worked. They started saying sorry less. Because they realized they were never sorry in the first place.
If you say "sorry" more than once per conversation, and at least one of those isn't for an actual mistake, you have a habit that's undermining your authority and humanizing business relationships in all the wrong ways.
The Recording Trick That'll Make You Cringe (And Improve)
Karl mentioned this in the conversation and it's gold:
Record yourself on video. Then read the transcript.
Why? Because:
You'll SEE every filler word in black and white
You'll HEAR your vocal inflections when you're not focused on what you're saying
You'll sound different to yourself (hearing through ears vs. your jawbone) which makes bad habits more noticeable
You can't bullshaet yourself when the evidence is staring back at you
Lori recommends asking brutally honest people for feedback. Karl adds the tech layer. Both work. Both are uncomfortable. Both are necessary.
Because here's the thing about sustainable business expansion strategies—they require leaders who can communicate with clarity, confidence, and credibility. If your vocal habits are sabotaging your message, your expansion plans don't matter. Nobody's following someone who sounds like they're constantly asking for permission.
The Partnership Story You Need to Hear
Lori opened with a story about a woman who kept hearing her business partner introduce her as "his wife."
Not "my business partner."
Not "co-founder."
"His wife."
The solution? A direct, honest conversation about what she needed to succeed. In business AND at home.
Whether it's:
"I need you to introduce me as your business partner"
"I need you to knock before entering my office"
"I need you to respect my work hours even though my office is in our bedroom"
Trusted advisor relationships start with being able to articulate your needs without apology.
And this applies to every relationship in your business ecosystem. Your team needs to know what you need. Your clients need to know what you need. Your partners need to know what you need.
Stop expecting people to read your mind. Start using your words. Clearly. Confidently. Without ending every sentence like it's a question.
What This Actually Means for Your Career
If you're a woman navigating corporate environments that weren't designed for you:
Focus on what you can control. You can't fix centuries of systemic bias by Tuesday. But you CAN:
Record yourself and identify your credibility-killing habits
Practice ending statements with downward inflection (sounds like confidence)
Replace "sorry" with "thank you" when appropriate ("Thanks for waiting" instead of "Sorry I'm late")
Use the "thanks for your perspective, let me finish" framework
Find accountability partners who'll call out your filler words
Balance warmth with competence strategically
And if you're a man reading this thinking "this doesn't apply to me," you're wrong. Everyone needs to master this balance. You just get more grace when you farck it up.
Want the full conversation with Lori's specific tactics and more stories about breaking self-sabotaging communication patterns? Watch the complete episode here where she breaks down exactly how to sound like the confident professional you already are.
Because company culture transformation strategies start with individuals who can advocate for themselves, communicate clearly, and build the kind of authentic client connections that actually drive results.
And all of that starts with how you show up when you open your mouth.
P.S. If you're sitting there thinking "but I don't do any of these things," I have some uncomfortable news: You probably do. We all do. These habits are so ingrained we don't notice them.
Try the recording experiment. Just once. Record yourself in a meeting or presentation. Then listen back—actually LISTEN—and count:
How many times you end statements as questions
How many filler words you use
How many times you apologize for things that don't require apologies
How many times you undercut your own expertise with verbal hedging ("I think maybe possibly we should consider...")
The data will humble you. And that's exactly what you need to start fixing it.
Because the executives who get promoted aren't necessarily smarter than you. They just sound like they know what they're talking about. Even when they don't.
Time to level that playing field. Just a thought. 🎤
Karl Pontau hosts The Human Connection Podcast, where we talk about the stuff that actually matters in business: the humans running it. Because whether you're B2B or B2C, it's really H2H—human to human. Subscribe so you don't miss the next episode where we probably say something that'll make your HR department uncomfortable.
